Wednesday, November 05, 2003
I got what I needed to get through the day, It was a smile from you

At school and just finished bio, what fun but I still don't know if I'm allowed to be here. Talked to the consuler( everytime I write that word I wonder if I'm spelling it right, am I?) anyways and she wants me to go down there during my lunch period, forget that. Theres not a chance in hell I'm gonna go and sit in her office for another minute. I mean gessh, I was happy to come to school today and trust me it wasn't for my classes, to see people and not feel like I was caged up in my house any longer. But whatever. Well I got to school and heard some more of the things that were said about me from my "friends." Seriously, where do they get off saying all this crap about me to other people. Well, I saw my Samantha Hoffmann and got a big hug from her, which made me feel a lot better. So that was all good. And after adding some different things to this last night I told Sam about it and he read it and it made him happy, so thats enough for me to go on another day. I mean seriously, people think they need to hand me the world but all I really want is something to keep me going... something small no matter what it is. And knowing that I can make Sam happy from one small thing that I do then...it's good enough for me. Going to meet some new doctor at 4:30 today and I don't wanna go at all. So I'll have something interesting to talk about later...well then later is when you will get to hear more from me. And all I've got left to say is...LEAVE ME SOME COMMENTS DAMNIT!

Posted at 11/5/2003 10:49:10 am by SylentScreems
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Thursday, November 06, 2003
You walk away from me, And I turn to cry

Went and saw that lady and didn't come back to talk about it.  Since I'm sure you all were dying to know how that went.  HA.  I hate this, having to talk to so many different people about my damn problems.  How many people am I going to have to tell my story until I am done.  I'm at about 20 or so.  And yesterday I had to start by telling my lifestory starting in January.  So much has happened to me since then and in that amount of time.  I don't wanna go anymore, if anything I want to go back and see Tracy.

After that Sam and I hung out and we FINALLY got to carve our pumpkin!  And I got my ice cream!  What an amazing night.  I can't hang out with him again until like Monday but then yesterday I found out that the Silent Fighting show was canceled so that means that Sam and I can hang out on Friday.  And guess what? Thats our 7 month anniversary.  WooHoo!

Yesterday I went to talk to Tristan but the entire thing thing for thrown in my face.  He actually closed the door in my face too so it really did work out that way.  I wanna be friends with him so badly and he doesn't seem to understand that, he asked me why I wanted to be friends with him so badly, but gessh why wouldn't I?  He's such an amazing kid.  And I don't know...he just is.  So I'm kinda sitting and hoping that all of that works out for me.

Posted at 11/6/2003 9:05:15 am by SylentScreems
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Saturday, November 08, 2003
Smiles on their faces so hard to surpress, Letting fears get in the way

No ones online, I've no where to go and everyone in my house is still asleep.  This sucks.  Nothing to do...but my pink eye is pretty much almost gone.  I'm not sure if I ever even had it and if I did it wasn't that bad. 
I was talking to my mom though and she said that I maybe get my door back soon, which is super good.  I'm in a real good mood today and I'm not sure why.  Sitting listening to By A Thread isn't the most exciting thing I've ever done.  But today I guess it's working for me.  Getting my hair cut today and not sure how yet, maybe short I don't know.  I really wanted to grow it out long enough for it to cover my boobs and then I wouldn't have to wear a shirt, it'd be super cool.  Like in that one Alanis Morisette music video.  But maybe not....not sure yet.  Oh man, I'm getting my eye brows waxed today, thats so amazing! I'm real excicited about that...they look so bad!
Had a fun time last night, hanging out with Sam, Shanna, Todd and Cody.  Wasn't expecting it to be that much fun just because Todd hates me so much and then he was being nice so I was like, W()w!  No one is online which means nothing to do.  Bah!  I hate this.  I feel like shopping, like whenever I don't have any money I A L W A Y S wanna go shopping...and now I don't have money and thats why.  Well now I'm just rambling on and on with things that are going through my head and I'm sure no one cares.
                        Oh and Tristan, I'm finally wearing your "hoodie!"
                    *I tried to make it pretty but failed...:'(*

Posted at 11/8/2003 10:17:19 am by SylentScreems
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Sunday, November 09, 2003
::m()Rg@n'S @n9Er P@gE::

HERE YOU ARE : MY WONDERFUL PAGE OF ANGER...I WILL LET YOU KNOW RITE NOW THAT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T EXSIST THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE THIS PAGE....I HATE PEOPLE!

MORGAN'S ANGER LIST:

::pe()ple::

::s()cks::

::br()ken pencil tips::

::the number f()ur in spanish::

::pe()ple::

::n()n-believers::

 


Posted at 11/9/2003 12:32:19 am by SylentScreems
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I fake the way I hold you, and pretend to kiss you like I mean it

           I was just sitting and thinking why are people constantly trying to make other people do things that they don't want to do?  Why don't then just do it themselves?  I mean seriously.  I don't really know where I'm trying to take this but I know what I'm trying to say.  Like your parents and making you go to church and that sort of stuff, they know that I don't care what the people there have to say so why should I go and even waste an hour listening to them??  And then everyone always says...well, it's only an hour, once a week.  Who cares...it's still an hour that I could be sleeping.  Yeah sleep is over rated as well, but so is sex...well no I take that one back.  What would I do without sex?
          Oh man I just found out that Hannah and Chad are going out.  Where'd that come from?  I thought maybe I'd hear at least the slightest bit of it around school, but no nothing.  Man, wow!  Oh wait, not that long...since Friday so nothing to worry about.  Maybe I should start talking to people again to see whats going on.  I don't talk to anyone anymore, I sit and take in what people say, barely listening a lot of the time...and then saying I have friends, whats that?  Oh well I'm giving up on people and making my life good again, cuz it's gonna take more then I am willing to give. 
           Got to hang out with Jay and Danny and a lot of those people that I never get to see.  Like Greg and Zach and man it was great. I need to start branching out on my friends, yeah.  This weekend was a good one.  I mean I saw some Shanna in there too.  It was fun.  And I got initiated as a hot chocolate kid by Jay so that was good.  You know being an official member and all.  Thats enough to make you wanna smile now,don't it?
                                                             ::Goodnite::

Posted at 11/9/2003 11:08:22 pm by SylentScreems
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Tuesday, November 11, 2003
I stole this from Shanna, thought it'd give me something to say

:name:Morgan
:backwards:nagrom (nag-rom)
:Does your name mean anything?:Thinks alot,thats what I got out of it
:Were you named after anyone?:Nope
:Nickname(s): Moogie,Morgie
:Place of birth:St Louis
:Current location:Crystal Lake
:Height:5'3''
:Shoe size:7 1/2-8
:Hair color:Brown
:Eye color:Blue
:What do you look like?:A girl with hair
:Righty, lefty, or ambidextrous?:Righty
:How old are you mentally?:Not sure,ask someone else
:What are your best qualities:None
Do You Have...
:Any sisters:Elle,Annie and Maddi
:Any brothers:Nope
:Any pets:Yes,Bob the dawg and some bunny
:A disease:Nope
:A pager:Nope
:A personal phone number:Yeah
:A leather jacket with studs on it?:Oh just wait you'll see me in it someday
:A heroin needle:Nope
:A pool or hot tub:Hot tub
:A Car:Yeah,Jeep
Describe Your...
:Personality:"Morgan"
:Driving:Amazing,obviously
:Car or one you want:I like my car
:Room:Light Blue with dark blue ceiling with stars :)
:School:Sucks
:Relationship with your parent(s):Okay,Sometimes have one-sometimes don't
Do You...
:Believe in yourself?:Depends on what it is
:Believe in love at first sight?:Yeah
:Consider yourself a good listener:When I care I listen when I don't I don't listen
:Consider yourself a good friend:To some
:Get along with your parents:Sometimes
:Save your e-mail or conversations:Not recently
:Believe in reincarnation:Nope
:Like to make fun of people:Always,if I didn't I would have nothing to say
:Like to talk on the phone:Nope,but I do
:Like to drive:Sometimes,when I'm going somewhere fun
:Get motion sickness:Nope
:Eat chicken fingers with a fork:Why would you ever do a silly thing like that?
:Dream in color:Yes
:Type with your fingers on home row:Nope,I tried using my toes one time,that was hawt
Sleep with stuffed animals:Nope
What was/is(or Are)...
:Right next to you:A tree
:On your mouse pad:Black Bubbles
:Your dream car:I don't have one
:Your bedtime:When I want to go to bed
:Under your bed:Carpet,maybe some other stuff,I don't know
:Your bad time of the day:When I'm sitting alone,bored
:The weirdest food or drink that you like?Eggs with Rasberry jelly,yummmy
:The hardest thing about growing up?Staying alive
Favorite...
:Number:5
:Color:Green
:Day:Saturday or Friday
:Month:October or July
:Song:A lot:San Dimas HS Football Rules,Song For A Broken Heart and IOU One Galaxy
:Movie:The Wedding Singer
:Food:Hot Chocolate and Wendy's
:Band:The Ataris,A Static Lullaby and By a Thread
:Season:Autumn
Sport:Swimming
:Class:None,going home
:Animal:Penguin
Love + Relationships...
:Do you have a bf/gf?:Yeah,Sam
:Do you have a crush?:Yeah,Tristan
:How long have you liked him/her?:Like 8 months or so
:Why do you like this person?Cause he's amazing
:If you're single...why are you single?:
:If you're not single... give details:Details on what?
:How long was your longest relationship?:7 months,however long me and Sam have been together
:How long was your shortest relationship?:Like 3 days,I don't know
The Past...
:Who is the last person you saw?:My sister,Elle
:Who is the last person you kissed?:Sam
:Who is the last person you hugged?:Sam
:Who is the last person you fought with?My mom
:Who is the last person you were on the phone with?:Jay
:What is the last TV show you saw?That 70's Show
The Present...
:What are you wearing?:Black shorts and a striped shirt
:What are you doing?:Sitting on my floor,typing
:Who are you talking to?No one
:What song are you listening to?:Rough Draft By:Yellowcard
:Where are you?My house
:Who are you with?:Myself
:How are you feeling?:Like I need some hot chocolate
:Are you in a chatroom?:Nope,those people scare me
The Future...
:What day is it tomorrow?:Wednesday
:What are you going to do after this?:Make hot chocolate and paint my nails
:Who are you going to talk to?People,if I want to
:Where are you going to go?:Maybe Wendy's later and the mall
:How old will you be when you graduate?:18
:What do you want to be?:Physchologist
:Where will you be in 25 years?:Missouri :)
Have You Ever...
:Drank?:Yeah
:Smoked?:Yeah
:Stole?:Yeah
:Done anything illegal?:Yeah,had sex before I was 16 :)
:Wanted to die?:Yeah
:Hit someone?:Yeah
Etc..
:Do you write in cursive or print?:Print
:Do you drive?:Yeah
:Do you have glasses or braces?:Glasses,but I never wear them



Posted at 11/11/2003 11:35:59 am by SylentScreems
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Is love just another word for pain?

Question: You know what hurts the most?

Answer: Wanting someone so badly and knowing that if you really wanted then you could be with them, but you are unwilling to make sacrifices for them because you know it would hurt you too much in the end.  But, you seeing them and being with them makes you happy and all you want to do it prove to them that you really do care.  You don't know how to go about it so you sit and think about it and in the end you don't say anything to anyone and you relize that the real reason you can't be with them is YOU.  Knowing it would be simple and in the end you could possibly be happier, but not for sure brings a sort of smile to your face.  But, still nothing happens and the two of you countinue in a cycle not knowing what is going to come next or if you will ever have anything more then a friendship.

Not too soon,Not just yet
 
Pain soars through my veins,
I befriend the darkness,
I embrace my death,
I see you there,
I need you now,
Your glitter is my freedom,
Your sweet pain I'll sip tonight,
Not too much,Not just yet,
They don't understand..I love you,
Caress my beautiful pain,
Fall into my arms,
Flow through my veins,
Set me free love,
Don't let me be,
I am numb to you now,
So touch me more,
Let me scar,
I want to be no more,
We tried this once my love,
And we failed,
But help me now,
Release me from my tomb,
I am trapped in flesh and bone,
A disease that burns and breathes,
Kill me now,
It festers...It seethes,
I love your pain,
And your gentle embrace
,I am feeble and frail,
So caress me again,
And we'll follow the crimson river of death,
Not too soon,Not just yet.

Posted at 11/11/2003 12:13:43 pm by SylentScreems
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Sitting in the corner,
I see you from the side of my eye,
Wishing you were closer,
Hoping he'll become furthur,
Drowning him with thoughts of you,
Rescue me,
And hold me close,
With arms spread forever,
Maybe it will last this long,
As long as we remember,
This
is just a dream.
-Morgan

To Sam, because I love you...
San Dimas High School Football Rules-The Ataris
Last night I had a dream that we went to Disneyland,
Went on all the rides, didn't have to wait in line.
I drove you to your house where we stared up at the stars
I listened to your heartbeat as I held you in my arms.
We hung out at the rainbow where we drank til' half past two.
Nothing could go wrong anytime that I'm with you.
Like crashing a hotel room or leading up to that first kiss
Or searching for a high school that you know doesn't exist...
These are the things that make me free
I feel like I'm stuck in "stand by me"
This night was too good to be true.
Today I woke up alone wishing you were here with me,
I wanted us to be something that we'd probably never be.
Today you called me up and said you'd see me at our show,
But now I'm stuck debating if I even wanna go.
Whitney, don't you understand that what I say is true?
I just want you to know I have a major crush on you.
I'd drive you to Las Vegas and do the things you wanna do
I'd even have Wayne Newton dedicate a song to you.
I only wish that this could be
Just dump your boyfriend and go out with me
I swear I'd treat you like a queen.

Hands Down By: Dashboard Confessional
Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.
My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here, from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and let you in.
And you stood at the door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.


Fishing For Love -Morgan
Well you hooked my heart,
And you reeled it in,
As you tore me from the hook,
You watched my blood drain out,
Told your friends I wasn't good enough,
And threw me back in.

I.O.U. One Galaxy By: The Ataris
The stars are out tonight,
And you're the brightest one shining in my sky.
It's like every wish I ever made came true.
The day I woke up lying next to you.
Will you be my best friend?
If I offered you my heart?
'Cause it's already yours.
We could hang out every night
and watch the sun go down.
As long as we could watch it rise again.
Gave me a valentine.
It's these little things that stand the test of time.
I've saved the tickets from the shows that we've been to
and a thousand other memories of you.
Will you be my best friend?
If I offered you my heart?
'Cause it's already yours.
Gave you this I.O.U. today,
it said good for one galaxy.
Once I build my rocket to the stars,
we'll fly away just you and me.

I'm so different from them,
They look no further than the surface,
I feel so lonely,sad and scared,
I don't want to die, But I can't take this.
-Morgan


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